March 1, 2024

My 139 Days lesson pointed out so many things I need to heal or simply stop giving bandwidth, too. One such thing is how I’ve completely mythologized my past relationship. Yes she is and was a wonderful woman. But. There was an end point to that Us. There was a broken place in her she wasn’t ready to face. And my guilt over leaving had me stuck in the past, looking backwards. I had allowed nostalgia to paint a rosier picture of someone who was without fault. She would be the first person to correct me but then she was always much too hard on herself. But when push came to shove and I voiced my needs, what I asked for was too hard for her. And what she was asking of me was too difficult. So I left. But I never fully left until just a month or so ago when I realized the rose-colored glasses masked how I had never fully let go. And so during January’s new moon I finally said good-bye. My rose-colored memories were becoming a toxic nostalgia completely divorced of any reality.